Sunday, August 26, 2012

More Then You Ever Wanted to Know

Sooo.. the dubious honor of responding to a "tell me about yourself" survey has been lobbed in my direction. Since it is Fuck My Table doing the lobbing I will gratefully accept and try to make this as painless as possible for everyone.

Seven Things You Never Wanted to Know About a Wino:

1.  I was an online poker player before the Department of Justice decided to shut it down, casting the lot of us players into the same group as derelict slot machine zombies and horse race fiends. Poker was kind of, like, what I did in my free time, if only for small stakes; if I didn't have a loving boyfriend and two cats, I would have considered giving our "free" country the finger and moving to Canada. A recent ruling classifying poker as a skill-based game (no shit, how else could I have maintained a positive return on investment over thousands of games?) and a deal between two of the major poker companies to help get seized funds back to players has me hopeful. Bring it back bitches.

2.  Despite what my moniker suggests I don't drink wine very often. This past year I've developed a bit of a sulfite allergy. Even when I'm tasting wine at work (and thus spitting) I'll get splotches on my neck, which always prompts the mature individuals in the kitchen to ask me where I got the hickies. I'm hoping that reducing my stress level and improving my general health will eventually make me less sensitive. In any case, I don't feel like I have to be a drunk to nerd out on wine.

3.  I speak Spanish semi-fluently. Considering my years studying the language, traveling in Spanish-speaking countries, living and working with people who speak it, I should be totally fluent. But... I don't even know what my excuse is.

4.  I hate shopping. Every time I've had to cross the threshold of H&M to look for work clothes I start going bonkers the blaring music, the faceless mannequins in their cheap knock-off couture styles, those weird plasticy wedge shoes that I could never imagine tottering around in. And there's always someone at the register buying the store on their credit card, with a bored 20-year-old retail clerk ringing each item up at a snail's space. It takes effort not to throw my purse at the front of the line and run for the hills.

5.  Airplanes terrify me. Even seeing one fly by, my one thought is "I'm glad I'm standing here." Getting me on one is about as fun as trying to put one of my cats in the bathtub, and will result in a lot more scratches.

6.  I went to college for seven years. No, I wasn't flunking out; I took a lot of art, photography, philosophy, and other goof-off classes in junior college, and then proceeded to change majors four times once at State (settled on International Relations, with a minor in Journalism). I've come to grips with the fact that this perpetual restlessness has kept me from a "real" job. Doing the restaurant thing, I have enough free time to pursue my interests, whatever they happen to be at the moment.

7.  I'm OCD. I wash my hands probably 50 times a day, check and re-check then oven, iron etc. before leaving the house, constantly count anything that is striped. My boyfriend has learned how to "herd" me out the door when we are going anywhere and I start twitching out. "But, did I shut the closet door? What about the lights in the office?" "Yes, go!" Moo.

Anyone else care to join in the fun? I informally give this award to anyone on my blogroll.

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  1. Okay, I'll bite...

    1. Two years of Bible College turned me into an atheist.
    2. After attending four different universities/colleges and living in seven different states, I'm still not entirely sure where or what I'm supposed to be.
    3. At one point I wrote greeting cards for a living, working as an editor for Blue Mountain Arts in Boulder, Colorado. That was during my sensitive motherfucker phase.
    4. I've quit more jobs - mostly voluntarily - than most people have applied for.
    5. A former landlord of mine won sixteen million dollars in the Colorado lottery while I was renting a house from him. He promptly raised my rent at the end of my lease.
    6. I've attended more than one hundred concerts, but the best venue I've ever been to continues to be Red Rocks in Morrison, Colorado.
    7. I've brewed beer, distilled moonshine and grown cannabis in addition to having owned three Harley-Davidson's - so I'm officially proclaiming myself a badass at this point.

  2. Came from Under Cover Waitress, and have really enjoyed the ride. NOt ready for the Tell Me stuff, but I think your taste is Italian wines is truly excellent (Meaning I agree with them!)

    BE well,


    1. Happy you could stop by, I'll be keeping talk of cats and poker off this blog in the future, don't worry :P