Sunday, March 17, 2013

Biting Back

      As long-time restaurant servers, the boyfriend and I are mellow, understanding diners. Wait staff, in return, always seem to be able to sniff out our 20 plus years of combined apron slavery and are friendly. Yet somehow last week, we managed to provoke a very different response from a server.

     It seemed like an unlikely time to make someone snap. We were on vacation, stopping by a little surf town in Hawaii. The day had been a bit of a bummer, as it had started dumping buckets of rain in the afternoon. We'd made the best of it, sitting next to a warm pizza oven during lunch, then checking out the surfers from a covered patio at the hotel, and later watching some trashy TV in our room. When the rain finally passed, we snuck out into the humid evening around 8:30 to look for a quick bite. 

     A "quick bite" is sort of a silly thing in a Hawaiian tourist town because your average plate of tacos, Chinese food, or veggie curry runs about 12-14 dollars. We bounced around from menu to menu trying to find something that didn't feel like robbery, settling on a busy cantina. The hostess led us to an overly loud corner table in the bar area.

     Soggy, out of it, we were skimming through the menu, when the server/bartender appeared. She burst up to our table, looking flustered, "I'll be right with you in a couple minutes OK?"

     We weren't exactly in suits, looking at our watches to get back to the office, or banging our forks on the table or anything, so I'm not sure where she got the idea we were impatiently waiting. She was probably getting over a long slam since the restaurant was a popular spot, so we didn't bat an eye over her stressed appearance.

     Yet she had the same unsmiling, distracted look when she took our order, and didn't say a thing when we were done speaking, just took our menus and left. When she came by to drop off the boyfriend's beer, he leaned and asked her as she walked away, "Oh, could we get some chips and salsa?"

     "It's coming!" She snapped.

     My boyfriend sat back like he'd been slapped in the face. Now, my boyfriend isn't one to get his nuts in a twist over snippyness from a lady- he's surrounded by strong women in his life and can deal. This was some rude, uncalled for behavior.

     "Honey..." I tried to talk him off the ledge. He was contemplating whether we should get up and leave, something we have never dreamed of doing.

     "It's like the bread thing I think," I continued. "Don't you hate it when customers bug you for bread when the bussers are practically behind you with the basket?" I wasn't sure why I was defending her, I was trying to calm him down a bit. I didn't have the energy to make a scene.

     He pointed out that we were in Hawaii and virtually nothing comes out as a freebie. He just assumed he had to order chips and salsa, and have it added to our bill. Wouldn't it be pretty funny to order a beer and have the server snap "It's coming!" as a response?

     We sat quietly, almost shamefully, like we'd just witnessed family members in a argument. The server, for her part, seemed to realize she'd crossed the line because she was suddenly much more cheerful on subsequent visits.

     I have to laugh at this experience now, because I'm sure I've been caught in a slam and said or done something ridiculous. For someone like me who's been in the business perhaps too long, it's a nice kick in the butt to see what bad service looks like. I turned up the goobery sweet quotient this weekend at work as a response.

     "Isn't she so nice?" I heard a group of regulars, my first table, say this Friday night as I walked away. This was after I'd made a helpful suggestion of an off-menu dish that would meet one of the women's dietary restrictions.

     So to my agro wait person, I appreciate the tip!

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36 comments:

  1. Welcome back! Nice slice of life ... I love the way the focus zoomed down on the waitress for that "It's coming!" moment. Perfect ... sorry your vacation is over, but this was another great read here.

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    1. I came back to a big mess of stuff going on, this next month is going to be crazy! I'll be by your blog soon to get caught up

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  2. I always appreciate the moments when I recognize the good, the bad, the ugly, the sublime. And I'm such a bleeding heart about any service professional that I always imagine that a grump must have just come out of a family crisis or has cramps or just found out terrible news. Sheesh - I'm a sucker!

    And I agree with MikeQ: Nice slice of life.

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    1. I can always justify it, cause I've been there. Still made us uncomfortable though in this case :(

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  3. I wonder if everyone feels sort of like that when they run into someone else doing their profession? Really interesting post -- and now I'm totally jonesing for some chips and salsa...

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    1. The chips and salsa that arrived were all broken up, like they were possibly recycled from another table, doh

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    2. Eww! That kind of thing makes me angry. We would use old bread to make croutons, but we did not walk one table's uneaten bread to a new table. Yuck.

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  4. How long did it take for the chips to show up?

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    1. Pretty much instantaneously, I think she immediately regretted what she'd said.

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  5. It's always interesting to be on the other side of the service, huh? I'm still extra-patient with baristas who appear slammed, because really, I know. Boy do I know.

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  6. I give servers a lot of credit. There's no way I could deal with people on that level.

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  7. I can't picture anyone in Hawaii ever being snippy! You gave an interesting perspective here and I love how you learned from your server's less than ideal service. Nicely played on all levels!

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  8. I hope you got an extra little something, something for your niceities. I always think, when dealing with a server and particularly a young one, that it could be one of my kids just trying to work as best as they can. But outright rudeness, is ugly. I'm glad she turned the corner!

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  9. I've been on your side, and I just can't appreciate rude behavior by a server. You're a much more open-minded person than I am!

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  10. Ugh. It's the worst to have rude wait staff--fun to get this perspective from someone who works in that industry also! I never know how to handle this, because people say not to undertip still because it's people's livelihood, but I think people want to have a way to communicate this with their servers.

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    1. My boyfriend contemplated leaving a large tip, along with a note about trying to be nicer. I stopped him, because if you are having a bad day this kind of thing can put you in to tears in the middle of a shift.
      I think she knew she did wrong, and as Sam mentions below, it probably stuck with her afterwards.
      If I went to a place and a server consistently had a bad attitude, I would let the management know. For one small comment I wouldn't because I don't think it's fair to jeopardize a person's job over a slip up.

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  11. I think retail gives one perspective as well, especially wine retail which can bring with it hoity attitudes and feelings of grandeur. I'm with you, give it a few tries because lord knows I've been shitty and snippy from time to time, and often not because of the person I've found myself giving shit to. Suckie feeling and one I try like a mother f'er not to do often. Sounds like your dude was right to be miffed but things worked out in the end...what more can you ask for? I can sort of picture your snippy server feeling herself cringe and I'm sure, if she is anything like me, and the way I assume you are, that moment is still with her...

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  12. Ah...good came of her evil! That's horrible that you were on vacation - in Hawaii of all places, where everything should be tranquil and lovely - and have this happen. Puts a damper on things. I'm glad she realized and changed her attitude.

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    1. We were relaxed and weren't caring at all if the service was slow, and it wasn't. It was funny to see someone trip out when we weren't the least bit hurried.

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    2. Speaking of tripping out - you should see my mother in a restaurant. Actually...no you shouldn't. May she never walk into your establishment. haha We won't go out with her anymore because she is one of those people who will stand up and click her fingers at the wait staff. Oh, I kid you not. We would be cowering under the table. "Please Mom...stop..."

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    3. Sounds like my ex's mom. I used to have to run back in to the restaurant and throw some money on the table, to try and make up for her behavior :p

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  13. Oh, I'm with you all the way. Years of servitude make me a very compassionate diner. But yes, I'm still shocked at moments like these. I guess everyone is entitled to have a bad day. :)

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  14. Hawaii seems like a strange place to have that kind of experience. It's so laid back! I have never waited tables but I try to be understanding. I HAVE worked in retail and people can be so rude there. I think when food and hunger is involved, it's even worse. But it's quite the turnabout for the server to be rude!

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  15. Rude waitstaff is the worst. But I really love how you guys were chill about it, gave her the benefit of the doubt, and were able to get a positive reminder out of the experience.

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  16. i really hate when a wait person is rude, but having also been there, i can appreciate a person's tough day. having said that, it's your job not to let it show. good read.

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  17. My husband spent much of his late teens and early twenties as a server and bartender, and I love hearing his wisdom and stories. It's amazing the things he -and you- have learned from being a server. Thanks for sharing the story!

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  18. I am a server at a Mexican restaurant in a small town in Hawaii. I am *so* hoping this didn't happen at my restaurant!

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    1. That would be a really strange coincidence!! This happened in north Maui

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    2. Holy crap! If that is your server that cringe I mentioned...tattooed! Yowza...fucking internet.

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  19. This was so well-constructed. I feel like I learned so much about you in 500 short words!

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  20. I totally get this! Also, when I get extremely good service, I appreciate just how hard the person is working. The job is not easy, but it must be done well.

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  21. Mandy, ... you mentioned spending more time with your other blog, but I can't remember where that was ... it's not "Dude Write" is it? Please let me know ... I'm hooked on your writing.

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    1. It's Wino on a Ramble, but she hasn't been there either! Maybe she doesn't have internet at the new place? Mandy we miss you!

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    2. I haven't had a day off in over a month, sorry!! Pretty soon my life will regain a semblance of normality, but I'll probably only be blogging on the other site.
      Thanks for noticing my absence, I didn't think anyone would!

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